March 2012
5 posts
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MUSICAL MOVIES: Better than Something: Jay Reatard...
Although I had never heard any of Jay Reatard’s music before seeing Better than Something, his death very early in 2010 still affected me as a music lover. An artist passing away at an early age is always tragic, and the loss one feels often stems from the knowledge that no more art will ever be created by that person. Jay Reatard finally showed up on my radar with the release of what would be...
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REVIEW: John Carter, or A Satisfying Slice of...
There has been a lot of negative talk about John Carter’s advertising campaign, and rightfully so. None of the trailers sold the movie as a sweeping sci-fi fantasy epic, but more as a… hmmm… come to think of it, I don’t know what the hell the movie was being sold as. Even more perplexing was the final title choice: John Carter. I can just picture common moviegoers on a date night strolling up...
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REVIEW: Project X, or Stupid, Privileged, Entitled...
INT. TOYOTA PRIUS – NIGHT
FATHER and SON are driving home after a showing of Project X.
FATHER: Holy shit, that was crazy, huh?
SON (indifferently): Yeah. Crazy.
FATHER: I mean, Jesus Christ that looked like one hell of a time! All that dancing and reckless behavior… and the women! There sure was a lot of hot pussy there, huh son?
SON (shooting FATHER a look of concern): Dad, those weren’t...
February 2012
4 posts
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REVIEW: This Means War, or Good God, Ya'll, What...
If you’ve seen the trailers for This Means War, there’s really not much need to see the movie. You probably won’t get a whole lot more enjoyment out of it than what the trailer had to offer. Yes, it’s enjoyable enough to sustain your attention for just under two hours, but whatever pleasure you might feel will be fleeting and should completely disappear immediately upon leaving the theater.
The...
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REVIEW: Safe House, or Playing it Safe
Oh slap, ma boy Denzel’s back with another thriller for the ages. Yeah, check ‘im out doing his thang, bein’ all crazy intense, like he on the verge of snappin’ at any moment, but still playin’ it cool and kinda’ sympathetic-like. Guy’s got mad charisma, knowhamsayin’? But he scary too.
Dis time round his name’s Tobin Frost (pretty sick, right?) and he’s one of dem CIA agents gone rogue, like...
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REVIEW: Chronicle, or A Clever Kind of Cliché
Chronicle proves there’s still fresh blood oozing out of the gaping wound that is the “found footage” movie genre, that bastard child of a moviemaking style that suggests one (or more) of the characters in the story filmed the events that happened… as they happened. Although Ruggero Deodato’s infamous Cannibal Holocaust is often credited as being the first example of the form, The Blair Witch...
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SELDOM SEEN CINEMA: Flooding with Love for the Kid
Flooding with Love for the Kid (2010, Zachary Oberzan)
It’s somewhat sad to admit that I have yet to see Sylvester Stallone’s First Blood, but I’m particularly glad that was the case going in to Zachary Oberzan’s one-man adaptation of David Morrell’s original novel. Although I knew the cliff notes version of the story of John Rambo and the image of Stallone as the rampaging Vietnam vet has...
January 2012
4 posts
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REVIEW: Man on a Ledge, or If a Man Steps Out Onto...
The audience doesn’t have to wait very long for Man to find a ledge to be on. Man (Sam Worthington, here choosing to go with a where-the-hell-are-you-from-exactly? accent) first emerges onto a busy New York City block, sees a hotel, looks up, then sees a ledge. He goes into the hotel, orders an expensive lobster “last meal,” scribbles a possible suicide note, and then crawls out the window to...
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The Cinema-Hole's Favorite Films of 2011
10. I Saw the Devil (dir. Kim Jee-woon)
A gruesome game of cat-and-mouse: When sick, sadistic serial killer Kyung-chul (Oldboy star Choi Min-sik, again giving a phenomenal performance) murders the wife of secret agent Kim Soo-hyeon, Soo-hyeon vows he will stop at nothing to punish Kyung-chul… over and over and over again. The catch-and-release style of vengeance Soo-hyeon employs proved to be...
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2011 MOVIE QUALITY REPORT CARD
This report reflects all the movies I watched of those released in the US during 2011 only:
Movie……………….Grade…….Comments
The Dilemma…………D……….Dull and entirely humorless
The Green Hornet…….B-………A fun time, though forgettable
The...
December 2011
3 posts
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REVIEW: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, or A Nice...
I can’t speak to the books since I’ve never read them, although considering the gargantuan sales of the series, there’s somebody out there who’s gotta’ like ‘em. Based on the two film adaptations, I won’t soon be such a person. First of all, reading’s for suckers (and I ain’t such a fan of wrighting neither), and second of all, and most importantly, the story just doesn’t captivate me as much...
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UNSOLICITED OPINIONS: The Dark Knight Rises...
Along with I’m sure many hundreds of thousands other Batman fiends, I attended the IMAX premiere of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol primarily for the benefit of catching the six minute introduction to The Dark Knight Rises, though I had more incentive to stay put this time around since what followed was a movie I was far more interested in seeing compared to what the sneak of The Dark...
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REVIEW: Hugo, or The Magic of the Movies
I originally read Brian Selznick’s fantastic The Invention of Hugo Cabret to my class of seventh graders a few years ago. They were enthralled. I was enchanted by the work as well. For me, the enthusiasm stemmed not only from the writing or the captivating pencil drawings that propelled the plot along, but also from the unexpected path the story chose to take, celebrating the beginnings of...
November 2011
1 post
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REVIEW: The Muppets, or Cynics Be Damned!
We need the Muppets. In a world that often seems overwhelmingly cynical, where enjoyment derives from the degradation of others, Jim Henson’s beloved creations serve as a reminder that happiness can be had through innocence, charm, a bit of whimsy, and a little lunacy. The blasé attitude that is regularly associated with being “cool” doesn’t factor into the Muppets’ life style. They are all...
October 2011
12 posts
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#12 – Zombie (AKA Zombie Flesh Eaters, Zombi 2, among others) (1979, dir. Lucio Fulci, Digital Presentation)
Somewhat ashamedly, I must admit that this was the first time I’d ever seen Lucio Fulci’s classic zombie movie. As a horror fan, it was always one I was aware of, and terrified of as a child, often passing by the VHS cover art of a decaying, maggot-infested head with my hands over my...
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#13 – Paranormal Activity 3 (2011, dir. Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, 35mm)
I kind of hate that I enjoy the Paranormal Activity movies. As a die-hard horror fan, their mere existence is an affront to the stylish, artfully-executed films that make up the best of the genre. They appear to be easy cash-grabs that don’t seem to require too much blood, sweat, and tears in sacrifice for their...
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#14 – The Woman (2011, dir. Lucky McKee, Digital Presentation)
First, let’s get this out of the way: The Woman is, hands down, the best horror movie of 2011. If you’re a fan of the more extreme ends of the genre, this movie is a gift, pure and simple, from one of the best, if not the best, horror directors working today. Within a span of a decade, Lucky McKee has made two of the best modern-day...
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#15 - The Thing (2011, dir. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., 35mm)
If you’ve seen John Carpenter’s outstanding 1982 The Thing, you’ve seen the new 2011 “prequel” of the same name, except with the latter you get less suspense, less atmosphere, far less memorable special effects, and forgettable characters, though Mary Elizabeth Winstead is easier on the eyes than a grizzled Kurt Russell....
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REVIEW: The Big Year, or Not Just For the Birds
I didn’t expect much from The Big Year only because the advertising behind it was nearly non-existent, which is often a sign of a studio dumping a real stinker. I usually catch wind of movies (stinkers or not) far in advance of their release, but only became aware of this one about a month ago. And a movie about hardcore bird-watchers, or “birders” as I learned they prefer to be called, didn’t...
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#16 – The Wild Hunt (2009, dir. Alexandre Franchi, DVD)
Although The Wild Hunt isn’t technically a horror movie, the events that transpire are truly horrific and maintain an undeniable state of dread, thereby proving itself a worthy candidate for this countdown.
For me, the movie is an excellent example of a premise overshadowing its execution. The idea behind The Wild Hunt is brilliant:...
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#17 – The Other (1972, dir. Robert Mulligan, DVD)
The Other is the fanciful tale of identical twins Niles and Holland Perry (Chris and Martin Udvarnoky) who spend their lazy summer days at their cozy pastoral home in typical boyhood fashion: exploring the naturalistic surroundings, fishing at the nearby pond, and honing their skills in “the game,” a telekinetic mind trick of sorts that allows...
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REVIEW: Real Steel, or This Kid's Got (Artificial)...
I recently acquired the ability to travel back in time. Naturally, I immediately exploited this new skill by going back in the past and luring little eleven-year-old me to the future so we could go see Real Steel together. Here’s a portion of our conversation following the movie:
FUTURE SELF: So, you liked it, huh?
PAST SELF: Are you kidding?! Heck yeah! It was awesome!
FUTURE SELF:...
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#18 – The Plumber (1979, dir. Peter Weir, VHS)
Although I found my VHS copy of The Plumber in the horror section during a Hollywood Video store liquidation, it’s not 100% accurate to label this little oddity of a movie as such. I was expecting a fright flick more in line with other occupation-titled terrors such as The Dentist or The Teacher, but what I got, to my welcome surprise, was a black...
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#19 - Aliens (1986, dir. James Cameron, 35mm)
It’s shameful to admit, but this was the very first time I’ve ever seen James Cameron’s Aliens. But what a way to see it: a 35mm film print on a big screen!
Before even watching the movie, I knew I wouldn’t like it as much as Ridley Scott’s original. James Cameron’s strengths as a director lie in his ability to...
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20 DAYS OF DREAD: A Countdown of Horror Movies...
#20 - Alien (1979, dir. Ridley Scott, 35mm)
This was only the second time I’ve seen Ridley Scott’s Alien, with the first only having been a few years ago. I was definitely late to the game with this one.
The shots of outer space are still very impressive in their bleakness while the atmosphere in general skillfully captures the desolation and despair the crew aboard the ill-fated...
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September 2011
5 posts
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REVIEW: Drive, or A Marvelously Monstrous...
Drive is an excellent example of originality in storytelling. Sure, from a simple plot standpoint, one could rightfully say that it’s all been done before. But it’s never been done like this before.
A great work of art, no matter the medium, depends less upon the subject matter and more upon the execution. There have been many stories about getaway drivers and even more about heists gone...
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REVIEW: Warrior, or It Coulda Been a Contender
In addition to writing a “typical” review for Warrior, this will also serve as a medley of praise for the movie, collected from a handful of reviews, in hopes of convincing others to go see the film, though, I fear in light of its surprisingly dismal box office reception, this effort will serve more like a celebration of life for Warrior’s impending theatrical death in the few weeks to...
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REVIEW: Contagion, or A Disease Worth Catching
Steven Soderbergh is without a doubt one of the most dependable directors we have. Nearly everything he releases ranges from good to excellent and, on top of that, he is extremely prolific. He’s the kind of director who might not necessarily be one of my all-time favorites, but is certainly deserving of high regard because his output is so diverse and always masterfully done. Above all, he is...
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August 2011
6 posts
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REVIEW: Our Idiot Brother, or A Very Fine Fool
My goodness, this is a sweet little movie. So sweet, in fact, I felt compelled to use the phrase, “my goodness.” More sugary expressions may show up at various points throughout this review. You have been warned.
The “idiot brother” of Our Idiot Brother is Ned, played by Paul Rudd, in a role written specifically for him, and rightfully so. This isn’t to say that Rudd is an idiot. Neither is...
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REVIEW: Attack the Block, or The Block is Hot
Remember when alien movies used to be flat-out fun with no heavy-handedness or dips into melodrama? Or when the aliens were menacing, ugly creatures and didn’t look disappointingly human-like from picture to picture? The alien movies of today often try to make extraterrestrials sympathetic (think District 9 or Super 8) and often contain creatures that look too reminiscent of human beings:...
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REVIEW: 30 Minutes or Less, or Guess How Long It...
As I begin writing this, it is precisely 11:00 AM. I fear I may have only 30 minutes before the memory of this movie completely leaves my mind, so here we go:
30 Minutes or Less concerns Nick, a slacker/stoner pizza delivery boy played by Jesse Eisenberg, who, one fateful night, delivers a pizza to a junkyard and is met by two men in ape masks who outfit him with a bomb vest, telling him he has...
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REVIEW: The Change-Up, or See a Baby Shoot Shit...
What follows is a discussion that might prove a likely scenario this weekend for the opening of The Change-Up:
MAN: Hey, babe, let’s go catch a movie tonight.
WOMAN: Sure! What were you thinking?
MAN: Let’s go see The Change-Up. That movie looks hilarious!
WOMAN: What’s The Change-Up?
MAN: That movie with Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman where they switch bodies. Jason Bateman’s like a lawyer...
July 2011
7 posts
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REVIEW: Captain America: The First Avenger, or A...
Finally, a superhero movie to really cheer about! After the moderately entertaining yet overall underwhelming efforts of Thor and X-Men: First Class, I found my enthusiasm for comic book movies slightly diminished, so much so that I didn’t even bother with Green Lantern, especially considering the overall negative reviews. I still held great hope for Captain America: The First Avenger, but my...
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REVIEW: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -...
Full disclosure: I know very little about the world of Harry Potter. I’ve never read any of the books and this final installment is only the third I’ve seen in the entire movie series (the others being Prisoner of Azkaban because I’m a fan of its director, Alfonso Cuarón, and Deathly Hallows – Part 1, which I saw with a small group of friends who were far more familiar with the franchise). Even...
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THE B-MOVIE BANK: The Baby (1973)
Account Type: Internet, as viewed on YouTube
Account Summary: Social worker Ann Gentry investigates the strange case of the Wadsworth family, which consists of Mother Wadsworth, two older daughters, and “Baby,” a full-grown, diaper-clad, infantilized man. Ann takes a special interest in Baby and starts to visit the Wadsworth household on a more consistent basis, much to the chagrin...
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WatchA short film by David Lynch, in collaboration with Interpol: I Touch A Red Button Man, set to the song “Lights.”
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A Letter From David Yates
Here’s the letter that came with the digital copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2. Note the hand-written signature. You can’t tell here, but on the actual document you can see it’s been written in blue ink. Class.
Below is a picture I took of the limited edition 3D glasses that will be given to 3D midnight audiences. Very nice! I’m not even a big...
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REVIEW: Horrible Bosses, or Bridesmaids Is Still...
Here’s yet another comedy that made me question whether or not I have a sense of humor.
People love comedies. Based on years of interaction and meaningless conversations with other human beings, I’ve found that the genre is extremely popular.
Why?
Apparently people “love to laugh.” Or so they say. I’m still waiting to meet the person who absolutely HATES to laugh. He or she would either...
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June 2011
9 posts
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REVIEW: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, or Empty...
INT. A COZY SUBURBAN HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT
(MOM is laid out comfortably on the living room couch, eyes full of wonder, steadfastly focused on the book in her hand.)
(DAD and SON soon enter silently through the front door, bringing with them an air of tension, as if DAD had just punished SON unjustly but won’t admit to his mistake.)
(MOM senses the change in atmosphere even before the door shuts. She...
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A Letter From Michael Bay
This is a letter that came today (6/27/11) with Transformers: Dark of the Moon in 3D.
Although I’m not a big fan of his movies, or 3D for that matter, I applaud Michael Bay’s efforts in making sure the 3D presentation looks as good as possible. As somebody who deeply cares about the way movies are presented, it’s nice to see this level of concern. Despite his tendency to...
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REVIEW: The Tree of Life, or Everything and...
Let’s get this out of the way from the very start: Terrence Malick’s The Tree of Life is pretentious, self-indulgent, and overly long. It is also an undeniable work of art, deserving of the highest praise and lowest condemnation – both of which it will receive in spades.
Typically, a plot synopsis would be appropriate, but The Tree of Life has no story arc to speak of: one of the many aspects...
